Be free. The least you can do is leave
behind your books and papers and consider
yourself equal, not superior, not owed a
good time. It evokes anger from eternity
that after spending a year in gaining and
losing things, the mere baggage of existence,
our race loads up again to be heavy with the
weight of its own preoccupations on vacation.
To relax with a soul cupped lovingly
between two hands and carried effortlessly
upon the heart is more compassionate.
The sun is ninety-three million miles from
earth, yet the shadow of the moon, when it
comes between the earth and sun is perfectly
fitted to the star and allows those on earth to see a
halo around the sun.
There is an equal miracle in every
definition of love or relationship between
us and those we worship. Do we not worship
those we love? Is it not the ancient pantheon
come back in living flesh? How could one God
find it in His heart to give so much?
Greed has driven me. When I see eyes
I want to fathom, arms I want around my
neck and shoulders, breasts I want erect
beneath my touch, legs I want enfolded at my
waist, it is greed.
Then why come here, to a calm beach
and sit quietly and think and joyfully
watch the way geese and other water birds
paddle in the waves and toss a pebble or two
innocently into the water?
It is mercy.
Who shall I give what I have written?
Who will receive the lot? Anyone? This ship
comes in to this harbor to land and sail
away at will or wreck and sail no more.
Who shall read what I have written?
Goodbye my favored beach, my
friendly solitude. Do you remember the
night I camped out up in the trees in
the days before they outlawed camping?
Or that night I sat here in perfect darkness,
listening to the lovers in the car who
would have been disturbed if I had been so
bold as to try and walk away across those
loose and anything but soundproof rocks?
Out there it will be good to
remember that you are always here. The
quiet, un-trafficked scene, compared with
men and women when they go about their
business. It is all somehow appropriate,
keenly right that a round world should
contain such opposites. When I am here,
I am attracted to the other world.
Fear grips me. That I will never come
back, that I will never be allowed to return.
Odd, how some men fear only that which they have
never known, measure their freedom by their
ability to go forward, but I want to be held,
to be free to go back and forth at will.
Almost through, bear with me. Let me
gather up these last few items, the only
possessions I brought with me to the beach.
No time to say goodbye to perfect strangers?
I lay beside them for so long it seems without
disturbing the peace. Now they have it to
themselves. We all go. They will depart in
their own time. When I come back, they will
Yes, I have sought the same face,
even in the water sought the same face.
My own reflection tells me that I am as fluid
as the time which carries me away. To float
out toward the place from which I cannot swim.
Oh, my living God, my soul, my ecstasy.
I live and die and breath to know how good
it is to do those things. Adieu.
The only world I cannot use is that one
they wait to teach in paradise.